Are you ready for marriage???

Marriage, in my dictionary is a union between two consenting adults, performed at a ceremony called the Wedding. If I were part of a Court of Law, I would be saying, " Whatever I write here is purely based on my opinion" Views on marriage do vary from person to person, generation to generation and gender to gender.

Nobody can forbid us from getting married once we reach the age of 21, or 18 for a woman in India. The question that arises here, " Is age the only factor that has to be considered "??? I would think not. Our Ancestors were told they had reached marriageable age and discussions on marriage became rampant in the household dominated by 'elders' of the family, until the wedding was performed. Men were the breadwinners then and how much they earned out of their jobs was immaterial, as long as the jobs were promising and secure. The parents of the bride were also encouraged to help the new couple with material goods. However, the mental preparation for marital life began well in advance. Unlike today, people did not leap from one job to another and jobs promised security. 'Rolling Stones' did not exist. At the end of the day, age seemed to be the only recognisable factor for marriage.

Should it be that way??? Am 36, married for almost 12 years, so I think I hold the right to say, age should not be the only criterion. With marriage comes commitment and responsibilities. We get married not to one individual but to the entire family, big or small. It is a contract, which is binding for the rest of our lives, for better or for worse unless we are prepared to go through the tiring consequences of a break up. We enter into a wedlock understanding fully well marriage is a tough assignment. Or do we??? Do we ask ourselves, " Are we ready mentally and financially"???

Why do some of us get married when we are not primed up for the task that is ahead of us?? And why do we realise that after we get married??? Do we lack the mental strength, which Gen W ( our parent generation ) possessed, or are we ignoring the importance of the mental preparation ahead of marriage??? Do the youngsters of today ignore the responsibilities that come with it??? Parents emotionally blackmail their children who continue to be their 'kiddies' till eternity to tie the knot. When individuals are forced into the 'union', the knot becomes so taut, they enter into a world of gloom. It becomes very convenient for the 'kiddies' to fault their parents and parents think it is their responsibility to lend their shoulders to cry on. In most cases, if a person decides to marry of his choice, such support is not forthcoming. The support is always conditional. If one decides to have an arranged marriage, he has a buffer in the parents, on the contrary if the individual decides to find a partner of his choice, the parents would most likely say, " You are on your own now".

In my opinion, with life extending into our 70's and 80's, we have plenty of time to enjoy the various phases of life. Life is much more complicated now than it used to be, for reasons such as advances in education, technology, increase in income levels and a mighty fall in our moral standards. When we take ever so long to make a decision about jobs and household, why don't we take the time to ask ourselves if we are ready for the commitment and responsibilities that go with marriage. Gen W do give us directions but those directions emanate from their experiences, during their time. As Gen X, it is our duty to enhance our decision making abilities, adding experiences from theirs and those around us, go through a logical thought process before making a sound decision, to marry or not. Is it necessary to complicate a simple union called marriage?? Well, it is not simple anymore and if we are looking at marriage as a long term union, we better get analytical about it.

Some of today's youngsters do like to take their time to decide if they are ready for their next phase of life in matrimony, before announcing their names in the marriage market. This, if they have not found that partner on their own. It sounds very commercial, isn't it??? Think about it, it is precisely a market these days. Are they waiting to make decisions based on rationale??? No, not all of them. Many of them consider marriage the toughest assignment yet and prefer to wait till they have reached a saturation point. A positive to come out of this, they don't pose any obstacles to anybody, Parents might differ on this one. I believe parents should intervene when such a decision becomes difficult, not otherwise.

Once one is sure about handling life's situations, is when one needs to think of marriage, a life partner who could play multi dimensional roles as wife, mother ( or husband, father ), friend, philosopher and guide. When one is ready to play all these roles together, he or she is marriage-fit. For those of us who are married, we know we have a successful marriage going when we play all these roles effortlessly and selflessly in our everyday lives.

So...are you ready for your marriage wows???

Pain in the............nose!!!

Have been having these illusions that I would look beautiful with my nose pierced. I had the same illusions thirteen years ago when I went ahead and got it done. In a year's time I was bored of it and realised it was doing nothing for me except giving me squint eyes.

In thirteen years time a lot has changed, the government has or should I say, governments have and in my case I have got married and shifted houses. However, in all these years my nose has constantly asked to be pierced. Finally, I had to yield. I pleaded with my little button nose to wait till I could ask for P's opinion. I have always checked with him. Do I listen to him??? nah!!! It was very painful the last time and it was done traditionally. P was around, not as a husband but as a boyfriend and I remember crying shamelessly in his presence, not because I wanted to but because my eyes did it involuntarily. Like I mentioned life has changed and these days the noses don't have to endure that pain. It is a simple gunshot and it does not hurt...so they tell you.

I tag P to the most fashionable jewellery store these days. The plush Joy Alukkas in a towering neat looking building in the heart of the city. We are inside and P continues to tell me he does not understand why I should go through that distressing procedure again. At the end of the day he only wants the best for me, so he takes me to the 'diamond' floor where not many people are lurking around. The counter staff is gleefully waiting for my mouth to open and ask for the biggest diamond there is. Poor souls!!! I tell them I want the smallest nose pin that is available with them. They show me big ones, then small ones, finally, out comes a baby. I hold it between my fingers and all I see are my two stubby fingers. I say..."yes, this is the one" and after I quickly look into their decorated mirror at my nose for its approval, I decide to go in for the piercing, which in my head is called...drilling.

The floor has a few customers around and plenty of staff having fun at our miseries. They gather around to witness the big event. I am given a tissue to wipe off all the grease and cold sweat, which is now starting to drip despite the airconditioned environment. I sit tightly and get ready for the drill. So tightly, that I can't move, my hands don't have to be tied to the chair. They are paralysed. The 'good Samaritan' holds the gun, squeezes a tiny little pin ( not my diamond ) at the end and gets into position beside my nose, not touching it yet. I may be shockingly stupid but I think one has the right to be stupid when one is ready to pee out of fright. I get a feeling he is aiming at my kohl lined eyes rather than my nose. I scream and ask him where he is aiming at. He says he is not in position yet and is admiring my lovely button nose. What is he looking at??? I don't have too much of a nose anyway. I wonder if he is thinking, " Does this fool really want to scar herself ??" Am ready and he is too. ........Pop goes the gun!!! One big POP!!! I feel something near my nose bridge and my accumulated tears come flowing down. There is no bucket and I flood their counter. Like a doctor, he explains why they are not tears of pain. I hear nothing. I feel chill. After a couple of minutes of lecture, he brings me more tissues and water. I feel overwhelmed, like I have just donated blood. Everybody is smiling around, like I just had a baby. P looks relieved. I look at my nose and I think to myself, "the baby looks hideous". We pay our bill and walk out of the store.

I am told this is a temporary arrangement and I could change into my diamond in a week's time. I count days, hours and even minutes. Finally the day has arrived for the pin to be replaced. P is at work. It is a Saturday and they are compensating for a lost day. I begin my surgical procedure at 18:30. P is home an hour later and am still at work. The stem goes in, but I can't seem to seal it from the inside of my nose. I have lots of reasons for it. The stem is too small, my nose is too small, so I can't work my fat fingers inside the hollow of my nose, and I have just two hands doing too many things at the same time. P gets into the act too. We toil for four hours. Thank heavens for the awesome biriyani he buys for dinner. That is the only happy moment of the evening. We give up and I sleep with the 'temp' in my nose..... without its leg. I can't screw that one too. Am screwed !!! I also have the 'temp' with its pointed edge poking the inside of my nose all night. When is the night going to end????

I wake up in the morning, and I take the stud off. It is only going to be a few hours before the Goldsmith helps me or I buy one with a longer stem. We go back to the store and tell them we have a problem. To my astonishment, the counter staff tells me the stem is the standard size. So, my nose is too faaaaat, that's confirmed. My nose too??? Am stumped!!! He ushers in the goldsmith who looks like he is going to war. Believe me he does. He fights a war with my nose. My nose cries, I cry and P paces the floor like I am delivering another baby. At at the end, the 'goldy' prevails. I am in pain but I am at peace. Now I have a tiny flicker of a diamond on my nose. It's more like one of those faint little stars trying to shine from up above.

Much ado about nothing!!!

How judgemental!!!

I have always wondered!!! We do not live perfect lives and we are full of imperfections. Then why do we judge people? These days we are judged on how much money we have, how many properties we own, how aware we are of the fashion trends, where we eat, where we holiday and of all things if we know our English well. Are any of these linked to the people our parents want us to be? No!!! They were probably judged on how selfless they were, how hospitable and helpful. And most of us think they are not 'cool'.

I am not letting our immediate ancestors off the hook that easily. Am sure they want us to imbibe their value systems and beliefs and some of their incoherent formalities and superstitions. While most of us are still mamma's and pappa's babies ( not sure if it is out of compulsion or that is how they see themselves ), some of us have tried to make our own identities. Am sure this group does not want to be compared to their parents, not out of disrespect to them but out of a need to be themselves. Am going to refer to our ancestors as Gen W ( as wise people and as the generation that are ancestors to Gen X ). Gen W has a tendency to look at these different individuals as nut cases who have gone off the radar, rather than be appreciative of their effort to be their own persons.

Every generation I believe lives in its own universe. The environment keeps changing and hence a change in the behavioral pattern from generation to generation. Tolerance is the key word. Expectations of each other will remain but conflict of interests could be avoided if we could just understand each other's universe. Just to add, cruelty, crudity or arrogance will never be condoned.

As if expectations from our parents were not hammering enough, we have to tell people around us what is expected of them from our convenient point of view. Can't we be happy just judging ourselves? No!!! To each his own, is it not? We have our own thought process and we make our decisions based on them. At the end of the day it is happiness that we are thriving to achieve. Money and its accessories will come and go but I don't think that is a destination in itself. If there are people focusing primarily on money they are looking at a downfall. I am not trying to preach, money is important but to judge people on its basis seems a waste of time. And we have heard, the simplest of lives we lead, the happier we are.

It is the survival of the fittest in today's world and we could do well by just focusing on what is important to us and the environment we live in. Relationships with each element of the environment will have to be nurtured with soft hands. This definitely does not include bickering, back stabbing, judging, condescending or living selfishly.

Live and let live!!!

How do I begin????

I have always dreamt of putting pen to paper. I know am no Salman Rushdie or an Arundathi Roy. I have enjoyed writing small little things and I play the the most affable audience at the end of the day.

The other day one of my old friends from those 'chaddi' days linked me to her blog of recipes, from her kitchen. Like I told her earlier, it was my Eureka moment. I knew I could do recipes but lazy that I am, my readers would have to wait months for the next post to arrive. Topics on everyday life come naturally to me and to P's delight I might talk less and write more from now on.

Thank you Seema, for starting my engines.

A hearty meal!!!

I was planning on serving parathas with some leftover chicken curry and palak paneer for dinner today. Prem, my husband had other ideas. A surprise for me!!! I am a big fat fan of surprises, even if it is an embellished safety pin that is waiting to be unwrapped. His 'hot as hell' packet had adai and avial ( very popular combo out in Tamilnadu) and some pakodas from Grand Sweets. Now who doesn't love Grand Sweets??? We didn't wait another minute to pop them in our inviting mouths. Am sure I have already digested my meal, its barely an hour after dinner. It was truly scrumptious.

I had mentioned to Prem a few days ago, that I intend to buy instant vatha kuzhambu and puliodarai mixes from Grand Sweets. That was promptly forgotten, but I will not complain.

Grand Sweets and Snacks....the best

My life's inspiration...........Mark Twain's Pearls of Wisdom!!!

"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."

"The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little."

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."

"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry."

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

"Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use."

"Man is the only animal who blushes. Or needs to."

"There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought? A vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!"

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

 Langhome Clemens aka Mark Twain(1835—1910)