Don't ask, Don't tell !!!

There are topics that are foreign to us but the lack of familiarity hardly stops us from airing our asinine opinions, incoherent and ill-informed, most times. One such topic is homosexuality. Everybody has a view on it, many a time so insensitive, one forgets the humane aspect. Am not going to define homosexuality, I presume readers know what homosexuality means. In a world of media paroxysm, ignorance is not bliss anymore. This subject is as germane as global economy, poverty and sickness, climate change and other developmental issues of today. Times have changed certainly, the unprecedented evolution of the Gay community in arts, media, politics and entertainment has transformed cultures and consciousness of people all over, giving homosexuals the podium they deserve. Their emergence as a force has also resulted in appropriate emphasis being laid on the aetiology, treatment and psychological aspects concerning homosexuality. However this is just a fragment of the whole untold story.

Am not a whiz on religion, so I will not get into the religious aspect of this subject but it is common knowledge that no religion preaches discrimination of any sorts. Scientists have concluded after thorough research that homosexuality cannot be ‘cured’ as hoped by religious groups. It is not a mental illness as some people perceive it to be. The causes for homosexuality have not been clearly understood but most modern scientists have found enough evidence to suggest that genetics, the effects of pre-natal hormones while developing in the mother’s womb and environment have a big influence in the sexual orientation of a person. It is known that heterosexuality is backed by a theory as well but hasn’t been discussed in as much detail, hence the notion that homosexuality as sexual orientation is out of the ordinary. The question still lingers, Nature or Nurture !!!

When a homosexual person keeps his sexual orientation to himself, he is deemed to be ‘closeted’.When he comes out in the open about his sexual orientation he is deemed to have‘come out of the closet’. In a world where homosexuality carries a tag, I can’t fathom why someone would want to ‘come out of the closet’ when he feels unprepared to face the cynics. Homosexuals are often subjected to heartlessness, intimidation and provocation, giving them more than one reason not to ‘come out’.It basically stems from the attitude of the people around, the assumptions from the lack of knowledge, the lack of tolerance from family, friends and acquaintances, co-workers and the general public who strangely have no relationship with the person in question. How can harassment of any nature make it uncomplicated for a person to live a normal life let alone as a homosexual?

Most of us are raised in heterosexual environments, in households where men bring in the bacon and women bind the household together. Growing up homosexual in such an environment without a doubt results in confusion and uncertainty, fear of being discriminated against and fear of being ostracised in the event of coming out. Most of us belong to families and societies, which have much to say in the event of a crisis, not to forget the sadistic pleasure one derives in witnessing the downfall of a family or a person. Each wants to be superior to the other. In very few cases does the family come together after an event of such gargantuan proportions, in most cases it creates emotional distress for whole family.

Many researchers have discussed theories and models of the development of homosexual identity. The most prominent among them is Dr Richard R Troiden’s four step sociological model of homosexual Identity formation, the stages being Sensitisation, Identity Confusion, Identity Assumption and Commitment. In the first stage, which happens before puberty he describes children feeling ‘different’ from their peers of the same gender, this has more to do with gender identity than sexuality. It is common for parents to pull children away from activities that are not perceived to be in tune with their gender. Children who display non-conformist behaviour are often coerced by parents to follow the norm, resulting in confusion and assuming heterosexual identity. This is when the feeling of inversion begins, a conflict of gender assumption arises, resulting in decline of self esteem and alienation. While they do not consider themselves heterosexuals anymore, they don’t identify as being homosexual either. In the third stage they embark upon a self identification process along with being presented an identity by their other homosexual peers, the process of coming out to themselves and to their peers. This is the process of self recognition and acceptance. The final stage is when the person assumes the lifestyle and choices of a homosexual, starts feeling comfortable in his identity.

Homosexuality is here to stay and society is gradually realising the same and making a change towards the positive. However, I believe the change has to start from the family. How can we expect the society to accept a person’s sexual orientation, when such acceptance is not forthcoming from the family? Most homosexuals feel vindicated once their family has accepted them for who they are. We face a lot of discrimination in the world, socio-economic, racial, gender, albeit changes over time, we recognise these discriminations still exist. We live in a homophobic society, we must acknowledge discrimination against homosexuals will be around for a while but we must not stop hoping for the better.

We are all part of the circle of life, there are ups and downs, parallels and perpendiculars, confirmations and contradictions we deal with, everyday of our lives. In the confines of this big circle, we ought to live with respect for humanity most of all, the rest will follow on its own.

It could be your child, show compassion!!!