Are you ready for marriage???

Marriage, in my dictionary is a union between two consenting adults, performed at a ceremony called the Wedding. If I were part of a Court of Law, I would be saying, " Whatever I write here is purely based on my opinion" Views on marriage do vary from person to person, generation to generation and gender to gender.

Nobody can forbid us from getting married once we reach the age of 21, or 18 for a woman in India. The question that arises here, " Is age the only factor that has to be considered "??? I would think not. Our Ancestors were told they had reached marriageable age and discussions on marriage became rampant in the household dominated by 'elders' of the family, until the wedding was performed. Men were the breadwinners then and how much they earned out of their jobs was immaterial, as long as the jobs were promising and secure. The parents of the bride were also encouraged to help the new couple with material goods. However, the mental preparation for marital life began well in advance. Unlike today, people did not leap from one job to another and jobs promised security. 'Rolling Stones' did not exist. At the end of the day, age seemed to be the only recognisable factor for marriage.

Should it be that way??? Am 36, married for almost 12 years, so I think I hold the right to say, age should not be the only criterion. With marriage comes commitment and responsibilities. We get married not to one individual but to the entire family, big or small. It is a contract, which is binding for the rest of our lives, for better or for worse unless we are prepared to go through the tiring consequences of a break up. We enter into a wedlock understanding fully well marriage is a tough assignment. Or do we??? Do we ask ourselves, " Are we ready mentally and financially"???

Why do some of us get married when we are not primed up for the task that is ahead of us?? And why do we realise that after we get married??? Do we lack the mental strength, which Gen W ( our parent generation ) possessed, or are we ignoring the importance of the mental preparation ahead of marriage??? Do the youngsters of today ignore the responsibilities that come with it??? Parents emotionally blackmail their children who continue to be their 'kiddies' till eternity to tie the knot. When individuals are forced into the 'union', the knot becomes so taut, they enter into a world of gloom. It becomes very convenient for the 'kiddies' to fault their parents and parents think it is their responsibility to lend their shoulders to cry on. In most cases, if a person decides to marry of his choice, such support is not forthcoming. The support is always conditional. If one decides to have an arranged marriage, he has a buffer in the parents, on the contrary if the individual decides to find a partner of his choice, the parents would most likely say, " You are on your own now".

In my opinion, with life extending into our 70's and 80's, we have plenty of time to enjoy the various phases of life. Life is much more complicated now than it used to be, for reasons such as advances in education, technology, increase in income levels and a mighty fall in our moral standards. When we take ever so long to make a decision about jobs and household, why don't we take the time to ask ourselves if we are ready for the commitment and responsibilities that go with marriage. Gen W do give us directions but those directions emanate from their experiences, during their time. As Gen X, it is our duty to enhance our decision making abilities, adding experiences from theirs and those around us, go through a logical thought process before making a sound decision, to marry or not. Is it necessary to complicate a simple union called marriage?? Well, it is not simple anymore and if we are looking at marriage as a long term union, we better get analytical about it.

Some of today's youngsters do like to take their time to decide if they are ready for their next phase of life in matrimony, before announcing their names in the marriage market. This, if they have not found that partner on their own. It sounds very commercial, isn't it??? Think about it, it is precisely a market these days. Are they waiting to make decisions based on rationale??? No, not all of them. Many of them consider marriage the toughest assignment yet and prefer to wait till they have reached a saturation point. A positive to come out of this, they don't pose any obstacles to anybody, Parents might differ on this one. I believe parents should intervene when such a decision becomes difficult, not otherwise.

Once one is sure about handling life's situations, is when one needs to think of marriage, a life partner who could play multi dimensional roles as wife, mother ( or husband, father ), friend, philosopher and guide. When one is ready to play all these roles together, he or she is marriage-fit. For those of us who are married, we know we have a successful marriage going when we play all these roles effortlessly and selflessly in our everyday lives.

So...are you ready for your marriage wows???